Dreams

I have been having dreams since the surgery about D. Usually it is just a vague he is there, but I never see him, sometimes I am looking for him.

Alone

For a couple of reasons I decided to stay in last night, alone rather than go to either concert I thought about going to.
One reason was J. Nothing he has done, a little he hasn't done, that is causing some insecurity. I know if I saw him and it was different than I hoped or he wasn't alone I would be upset. More than I can handle right now.
Thinking again about another J and as always D.

Maybe

I used to have a band as the background image on my phone. J saw it one day and acted a bit off. He didn't say anything but it was obvious that he was mildly annoyed or something. I just thought he thought he thought it was stupid.
Now as things unfold with J, I wonder if it was something more. Maybe jealousy.

Personal

I can't stop thinking of him. So horny.

Merry Christmas

I wish I could tell D Merry Christmas or let him know I am thinking of him.
Everyone else in my life I can tell, like J.

Start over

Can we start today over, with a different outcome?
I wake up to my mom having a medical emergency and being taken to the hospital. She should be okay, but don't know for sure yet.
Guy I like might be dating someone, signs of it for awhile, shouldn't matter because of my situation, but it still does.
Someone close to me got news of their cancer coming back so more chemo.
And baseball trades.

Another chance

I would love to tell D how stupid I was. I made mistakes and acted so badly. I wish I had treated him, and situations differently.
I would love a second chance now with him. Explain things. See how he feels.