I really need you right now. So upset and tired of the assholes in my life.

Still really wanting a cigarette. So very tempted to go buy some.

Thanks for making me so fucking horny I can't sleep without getting off! Between your voice, singing and speaking (that one gets me more, so sexy), that instrument you also play and your amazing ass, as well as your face you are always turning me on. Tonight seems to be worse than normal.

He is really fucking annoying right now and stressing me the fuck out. I really need some alone time or time with you. I know that I can't get that, but would so love it. Just you and me, one on one. 

I am really, really upset right now. And every time I make a noise at ALL he fucking stirs in his sleep. NO! I don't fucking want him to wake the fuck up! I want him to stay the fuck asleep! All he will do is irritate me more anyway.

Since Saturday and what happened then I have really wanted a cigarette. So tempted to go buy some but am  afraid that I wouldn't have just a few.

With the bullshit that went on today he will never be forgiven. I know he knew and hid it from me just like everyone else. You can't claim to love me and do that to me. Everyone showed me that someone else was more important that me by how today went. If I say too much they will deny it all. One day though.

I know I should be more rational with my thoughts, instead of flipping out. Some of the thoughts I had didn't even make sense, I know they didn't, things about friends, about work, so I doubt the ones about you were rational either. I know you have said you prefer/do better with face to face. I know this. Yet I want attention from you, and when I can't get it I crave any kind of attention at all. Sometime I think you do view things like this, but in the end I doubt you do.
Soon hopefully I will be able to get attention from you. I hope to show you something next time I see you but     not sure I how. Not sure how after last time.

Right now I really hate Saturday mornings. I have the bed to myself all week because of my work schedule, but he is off on the weekend so home on Saturday when I get home. I wish he'd get up and let me have the bed to myself.

I really do want to say that if you were the one viewing the blogs and stopped, it wasn't it wasn't directed at you to stop (unless you are up to no good by reading them).

Also I know my emotions, and posts contradict themselves, but how you treat me when we speak and everything else contradict and it confuses me. I wish I knew more from you.

Should never go looking for things I really don't want the answer to.
I know I mean nothing to you. I know I read everything into everything between us because I want something to be there, I refuse to accept that I am nothing, not just to you, but with everyone.
Stupidly I looked for another version of that song to prove you played it differently here, because of me. Sure enough, what do I find, you have played it that way else where too.
Why don't I get it? I don't matter.

Heard that song today, and I can't believe you meant that any other way than desire. Exactly the way it sounds. The facts that you were where you were in relation to me makes me believe it was directed at me.

Woke up briefly feeling awful thinking about you. Convinced I had no chance with you. I had how this feeling fucking comes from nowhere. I had been asleep!
I don't know what you think of me exactly I just know how you treat me when I see you. I don't know if that is different from others, if it means something or if that is how you treat everyone.

I am so tired of wanting your attention and not getting it.

I really think you should come hang out after you are done with this tour. Not sure why or what we would do  but you should.

I was forced to move a blog that I had had for awhile. Not sure I want it here, but not sure where to go with it either. I need to be able to voice my thoughts and feelings. About a very specific person, hoping he was reading that one and finds this one, somehow.