Seriously he is so fucking stupid. I am so annoyed.

I'd so love to have you with me today. Never a good day.

I got off for the first time in a while thinking of you instead of the more recent crush. It was so good.
There is no way to compare the two of you so I don't even try. Damn, how I want you.

I really hate having sex with him. The most recent time we had sex everything was good for a bit, it's never that good, but tolerable, and then I am disgusted. Had to shove him away. He starts to have sex, gets it in, thrusts, maybe 2 times and is done. I don't feel anything. I am so turned off by this. disgusted by sex with him.

I am tired of people making me feel this way.
Feeling like I don't matter. Less than others. Unimportant.
I knew I didn't actually matter or stand a chance. I knew over little things, over things so small that most would never notice, but they are huge to me.
I am done. I will continue to be polite, but I will do my best to be just that. Nothing more. In the past I have tried to get this persons attention. To make sure I got to speak with them when I saw them. Dropped small hints. And I had thought that there might be things coming back. But then odd things would be said or done. And things you'd expect to happen wouldn't. I kind of knew that I was likely reading things into things because I wanted to see them. I tend to do this sometimes, I know I do it so I can be rational about it. I knew this was a person who I was going to get hurt from. I am doing everything I can to not get hurt. If I don't back up, I will get really hurt.

I'm figuring out what I need to be happy.
Some to be happy/love.
A better living situation because I kinda hate my place.
More/better interactions with people.
Dealing with my depression/anxiety and overall health.

I just realized those two have the same first and last initials, their middle is different.

I had a horrible night last night emotionally. It comes down to 4 people. The 2 people I have crushes on and 2 friends. I know everything is irrational but I can't help how the make me feel. The insecure feelings the cause.