Two people have the power to make me feel worse than anyone ever.
One is him. And is never anything he does it is overthinking and what others do. I have to stop doing that. I have to stop letting other get to me. I can deal with the overthinking. That I know I will get over when everything passes.
I have to stop letting the lies from others get to me. I know what he has personally said to me and what I have seen. What is said by others and what comes from him don't add up. I know what to believe. But when I get down and I start overthinking, I let the wrong things in.

Sometimes I want to reach out to her so badly but I know it is pointless. I have tried so many times, and gotten nowhere. I text and don't get replies, she never texts first. I rarely hear from her on facebook. I know it shouldn't matter because she says one thing. But I believe actions speak for themselves. I need to let go. But I don't know if I can.
Right now I want so badly to talk to her, but I don't want to put myself out there and be ignored again, like normal.

I'm getting the time I need off work to rest my knee but that means I don't make money.
I dread that date coming up and I have nobody to talk to about it so I have to pretend it doesn't exist. I just wish I didn't have to be that way over him.

I mention that feeling ignored is really hard for me, and what happens? Nothing. Still feeling ignored. Yeah great feeling.

Holy hell! He just came in from work and was so annoying I want to choke him. He is stupid, told me one thing about my car before now says something different. How did I get the other number if he didn't say it? really how is he this stupid?
Then he is overly loud.
Plus, this morning he was annoying as fuck. He can't leave at about 7 if he is already ready, he has to leave at exactly 7:05 or whatever. That is annoying as fuck.

Have had a bad couple of days. Got hurt twice in one day. Once was fully my own stupidity.
Would love to have you here with me, to help take care of me and just spend time with in general.
It is getting close to a date I hate more than almost anything. And I can't talk about it. Complicated beyond words.
Things might be looking up, but I doubt it would lead anywhere. At least it might help how I feel about things in general.

I learned something for sure that somehow I already knew. It makes me happy that I seem to already knew this. I hope that means some other things I think I figured out might be true too.
Of course, what you revealed I don't think everyone needed to know.
You are amazing and a goof, and I would love to talk with you, get to know you better.

His bad attitude doesn't help things. In fact I know it makes it worse, lots worse.
I can't tell him that though because he would never accept it. I would just hear a bunch of bullshit about it, like how he puts up with my moods and attitudes.

Yesterday was a mixed day. In the afternoon I had good thoughts and was positive, good things about you. Chatted with friends. As I'm going to bed I started getting sad, and all the positive thoughts from earlier in the day are gone, I'm thinking the opposite in fact.
Then I dreams that you started sending me gifts, just small things. I doubt those dreams mean anything, but at least they made me feel better.

I really fucking hate when he eats something because he is hungry instead of making dinner. Maybe that helps him, but that doesn't help me.

I had such a bad day and all I wanted was you there with me to fix it and you with me now to cuddle and unwind.

So tired today. He wouldn't go to sleep last night and I wanted just a few minutes alone. I don't know why he can't grow up and go to bed. Instead he will be so tired, eyes red and heavy and yawning constantly but refusing to go to bed, even once in bed refusing to go to fucking sleep. It is something I will never understand. We are not children, go to bed.
Then I wake up earlier than I want because he is already awake, making noise and just in general being there.

Removed posts and partial posts as I don't know if the psycho has her friend viewing things or not, probably does. Don't need her stalking and going psycho on a couple of bands like she does on everything else she listens to/claims to like.
I think the friend is just as crazy as she is though.

We didn't kiss at midnight, instead I cuddled my cat. Earlier today while he was sleeping I got off laying next to him, thinking of you.