After going back to sleep for a while I am I feeling better emotionally. I hate days like that where getting upset at all spirals out of control and makes me doubt logic. Wonder why it only really affects you.

I have to stop projecting my insecurities on you. I know that you would never treat me as bad as I imagine. When I am thinking logical I see things the way they were. While you may not have been exactly the way I wanted with me, there is nothing wrong with how you did treat me or interact with me. I need to remember that you are a nice person, that you are honest in how you treat people. You would never say what you do to anyone without feeling what you do. You would never act nice to someone if you didn't like them, you would be polite but not nice or joking.
I need to stop letting stupid shit upset, things that have nothing to do with you upset me and the flip out. I know what I see with how you act when we speak, and what you say to me. I don't know why I doubt this. I know you are straightforward. I have to remember this.

What sucks most about this situation. I am good at reading people and situations. I am usually wrong about it. I know there is something about me you don't like. I know you sign off when you see me sign on. I know you avoid me as much as you can. While I might hope for something, I always knew it would never happen. Look at me, I never get what I want, especially who I want, I don't even try and haven't since high school.
The fact that I let you get to me the way you do and that I am currently cry over you is insane. Why be so upset over a man who has never thought of me again the second he doesn't have to deal with me?

I realize you tend to blow me off. You talk to because you have to but that is it. You also don't touch me, no hugs. No big deal, I don't actually need you to touch me or talk to me, they are just wants. Sucks though is seeing others get them, seeing you talk to others. I know you treat certain people certain ways. I am one of those people that mean nothing to you and I'm sure that you wish would just leave you alone.
I don't need to talk to you anymore, I have meet you several times so there really is no reason. I have to keep telling myself to leave you alone. Any hope of a connection will never happen anyway so talking to you is pointless. You don't want to talk to me, be my friend and especially be with me. And if everything else works out in my life I won't be seeing you anymore anyway as I won't have anyone to do things with once he is out of my life. Alone is better. But alone means alone.

I'm laying here watching a movie, thinking of you. So horny. I'd give anything to be in bed with you right now. Hoping soon that it will happen.

I have meet you several times, you know who I am. I was sure you were reading this and others but you never react when you talk to me, like you know something you shouldn't. But at the same time when you do learn or see something, when you should have maybe had a reaction you don't. Does that mean you don't care? Does it mean you already knew, are you that good of an actor?

I have discovered that when I want something I have a hard time asking for it, even if it is only in a fantasy. I feel like I don't deserve it. I feel like I am not good enough to have these things, or for people to do things for me. I know this isn't true, it is mainly when I am having a bad day, but at the same time I will never reveal who I talk about on here. He doesn't need to know as I'm pretty sure he doesn't care, and nobody else needs to know.