He is so stupid and unobservant. I got off with him a few feet away and he never noticed what I was doing. How the fuck does that happen?

Funny how a few weeks ago he said you'd never flirted with me. But the other day he says you do flirt with me. Yeah, you can tell it is something he says to get to me.

There is a reason why it has been nearly 2 full months. I get no enjoyment out of it. And in the end I feel bad about myself anyway. I know that even with you it won't be good, because you will have the same issues he has.

I'm so horny. All I can think about is you.

What doesn't help me at all with my depression at times is when he fucking tells me that you never flirted with me. If you in fact you never did that is fine, there is that chance I misread the signals. However he says it because he is a) stupid and unobservant and b) doesn't want it to be true.

I had a bad night last night. 

I found that stupid fucking post of hers. At first I reacted the way I always do with the dumb bitch, to blow it off, and assume she is being stupid, making shit up in her own head. I didn't really let it get to me much, Though the idea of it did bug me a bit. I can't stand the though of you thinking of her favorable or being friendly with her. Because I want things my way and what I have seen and what you personally indicated to me without saying her name indicated you feel about her the same way I do. 

Then suddenly as I am going to sleep it hits me. What if? What if she isn't lying? What if everything she says is true and I just refuse to see it because I don't want to see it. Because the idea that you would want to have anything to do with her, or be nice to her or friends with her or prefer her to me makes me sick. I want nothing to do with you if that is the case. 

I feel awful. I don't want to be this way. But she has no room in my life. The way things are, without going into details, the way the things she does ends up making me feel, the way I end up getting treated. NO, no way. Not you. 

I know for now you are an idea, a fantasy, that you and I may never be. I hate that you make me feel this bad. That you can control how much I hurt or love. That I have no way of knowing what you think or feel. Or if you are even reading this. Some days I think so others I think it is her crazy friends spying on me. 

Good, bad, You, them. Doesn't matter. 

I am so tired of how others make me feel. I can only control so much. I wish I knew how you felt, what you think. I know a few things. What you tell me in person, what I see. You treat me so much better than her. That means something. She can think what she wants. Objectivity and questioning everything, my seeing everything, good and bad with how you treat me, what you say and do. I see what you do, and what you don't in regards to me. But I also see it with those around me. It is a good thing and a bad thing. not just with you, but everyone. Details. I notice what others don't. How I see her for what she is.I hope you are blinded like so many others. 

I am annoyed as hell. Everything is getting to me. The one day I want him home, he is being a dick. I'm annoyed over something that I know probably isn't true. Tv is annoying me. I'm in pain. I just want you.

You will never understand what hearing things like that does to me. While I don't believe it, the fear that it is true makes me sick. Understand she can't be a part of your life at all if you want me in your life. She will be gone when I enter your life, no questions asked.
There are several more that will have to modify their behavior or they will have to go as well.

I'm so tired of that attitude. So over it. He really has no idea.

I'm so tired. I haven't slept well for days, plus I have a cold. I want to go to bed but I want a bit of alone time so of course that means he is refusing to go to bed.

Yesterday was my birthday. Wasn't a bad day. Wish you had been here with me though. Seems my favorite band added a small surprise for me in the order.
Had a small melt down last night while trying to go to bed. Missing my dad. Missing you. Wishing you were with me. Wondering if it is ever going to happen. Doubting it, knowing I shouldn't.

Finally had enough and put a stop to it or hope I did. If it isn't who I think it is, then I will change it. Had honestly hoped it was different than it was but that was just wishful thinking and deep down I knew better. No big deal.

He is so damn annoying lately. I am on edge so that isn't helping. I think he knows I am like this so he does things to annoy me. I have asked several times for him to not talk so loud, yet he persists on talking loudly. And when I say something he says he isn't loud. Bullshit.

Why does he have to be so loud with everything he does ans when he speaks? Really not in the mood for it.

Had a bad day yesterday but things were good. Just woke up from a dream feeling awful.
I feel like if you wanted me or liked me you would do something about it, you don't.

The other night I was lying in bed and was about half asleep. Started thinking about you, you snuggled up behind me, your chest pressed into my back. Suddenly I'm turned on and my nipples are starting to get hard.
I wish you really were here with me.

I have not been letting the negative thoughts get to me for a bit now, when they creep up I have been able to get rid of them until this morning. I woke up at 5 and couldn't go back to sleep. Just found out he woke me up getting back in bed at that time. Wow thanks. No I'm tired and emotional fucked up.

Baby I am so horny, all I can think about is you. I need you so badly, please baby.

I hate that you are upset or pissed off. I'd love to be there to comfort you. Know I am there for you in any way if you need me. Don't hesitate to come to me.

I've noticed some odd things lately. If it is you than it isn't odd. If it isn't you then it must look awfully odd to anyone else who sees it.

Last night he called me baby, a name I normally love, but coming from him I hated it. I came so close to telling him not to call me that.

I had such a long day. I just want to sleep, and cuddle with you. But you aren't here with me, and you aren't mine, yet. Hopefully that changes soon.
I have to work tomorrow, but it shouldn't be as long as today.

Thinking of you so much this week. Wishing I could have been with you today.
Trying not to let bad thoughts get into my head. Have to keep reminding myself that no action is not that same rejection.

It is taking everything in me to not say something to him. I am about to lose it. I have had a bad week, and he is fucking annoying. Yesterday and Saturday are always hard for me, we had the fight last week, so things are strained as is. He is annoying and has an attitude. He has plans to leave but WON'T fucking leave. I assume he is watching the end of a playoff game he has nothing invested in. NO, fucking leave. I want alone time, time away from him. He needs to go. He does this all the time. He plans to leave, we eat or whatever and then doesn't leave, he stays and stays and stays. NO fucking leave.
All I want is you. You here to comfort me, and hug me.

I need you here so badly. I would give almost anything to have you with me today.

Major fight last night.
In fact I told him to get out. We talked. I don't know where we stand now, everything is far from okay.
While to everyone else things might be normal to us, we know things aren't. I don't know how I would classify myself at this point. Definitely ready to move on.

What is with people who think they have the right to say whatever they want to me online no matter how rude, no matter that they know nothing about me?
I don't say anything online to anyone I wouldn't say in person. I usually don't say names because I am venting and names don't need to be said when I am angry or upset as the feeling might pass.
I get this from family (well one was married into my family and the other is someone in his family) and strangers.
The latest one was funny. If that person only knew how wrong she was in what she said. Compare me to someone when you know nothing about me and there are others who far exceed anything I could think of.

I have had the worst week emotionally. I keep starting to have dark thoughts again tonight. Rationally I know everything is okay, that until you tell me one way or another I don't know what you are thinking, and that I can assume based on what you say in interviews and others say about you that know you, and what you say to me that all is good. Now that doesn't mean anything will ever happen but it means I shouldn't get so upset and convince myself that they is no way you'd ever be with me.
I fear that certain basic things will never happen for me. Being truly loved and in love, passion, wanting the man I am with, kissing, feeling anothers tongue. All of this may seem stupid, but when you don't have it, and you want it, it gets upsetting and is so easy sometimes to get upset about. I think about how I will probably never get married or have kids, even though I don't know that I want any of my own. Being with him as long as I have, and not yet married I don't think it will ever happen, I wouldn't anyway. And I don't think there will be anyone else. I fear being alone, that nobody will ever want to be with me. I fear my flaws, both physical and emotional/personality are enough to prevent anyone from wanting to be with me. Especially you. I can't imagine you would actually want me, not for one night, let alone a relationship.
He doesn't make me feel loved. I don't know what that feels like.
I know few people actually care about me, and you are one who likely doesn't. I feel like if you cared, at all, even a small amount, you'd find a small way to make me feel better, to let me know that you care, but you don't. I am trying to remember that maybe you don't read this, that you have said you prefer face to face, and that you treat me one way in person, but at the same time, you still don't treat me all that special then either which contributes to me thinking you don't care.
Just having a hard time, I think because of the time of year. Next weekend is going to be really hard.

I really hate seeing/reading/hearing things that make me feel insecure. I have no right to feel that way with you, not in the position I am in, but I still do.

I am so tired of bad days, well for me usually bad nights, where I over think and over analyze everything. I try to keep things you have said and done in perspective of the things I know of your personality and how you handle things. I tend to think the worst when I have bad nights. I don't know what you think of me at all or that you even think of me. Sometimes that alone is enough to upset me. I try to keep thoughts in the positive, assuming the best, knowing or at least thinking you say what you mean. That things are good. I have good feelings about things based on what I know. I just wish I didn't have so many bad days and had more from you.

I haven't seen you in 2 months. I try not to think about you so much lately. I would love to be with you, to spend time with you, to see you smile, to hear you laugh, your voice. I want time that is just mine and not shared with lots of other people. I know what I want from you. And plan on trying to make happen. But don't know if it will.
I worry that the last few times you reacted the way you did with me because of somethings that I had said online, that they got back to you. That is all fine, but only if you mean it. Don't be nice to me because you are doing me a favor, treat me the way you want to treat me, not the way I want you to treat me.
Fights with him, and just finding him annoying lately, so close to ending it.

Was thinking of you. What I want to be doing to you. And you came on. I moaned. He didn't pay attention or if he heard me ignored it.

Alone, listening to you, wearing your bands shirt. I'd love to have you here with me. The goofy things you say on stage. I would love to talk to you. The things you say when we talk. To hear you speak. To hear your voice. Just to spend some time with you. To see your smile and hear you laugh.

Been going through a lot, some good, some bad. Been thinking of you through it all. Wishing I had you with me. I feel like I am falling apart, lots of migraines and pain. Him being an ass and annoying. It doesn't help that I have been extremely irritable the last few days.

Had a bad night overnight. So sick of his bullshit. When I say I am not in the mood I mean it. Waking up and REFUSING to go back to sleep in hopes of getting something I said no about it is only going to piss me off. Also because he just HAD to be awake for like 90 minutes in the middle of the night he will be tired after work later which will be just as annoying.

I'm so tired of being annoyed and pissed off. Even when I tell him that certain things get to me or that I have a migraine so he shouldn't do certain things as it makes it worse, he doesn't care and doesn't it anyway because he does what he wants. I have no words for what I am feeling right now, I am that annoyed. And each minute it just gets worse. There is no point saying anything.
I really want to scream, just go outside and scream.
I could so use someone, you preferably, to hold me, to make all this go away.

As I think of you, and the friend, I realize I prefer men without hair, whether that be bald or shaved. I like some hair styles but when I think of touching a man's head, I would rather he didn't have hair.

I'm so annoyed right now, the longer this takes the more annoyed I get.

I'm so sick of asking people to do things for me and not doing them. And worse, they get attitude with me when I get upset or pissed that they didn't do it the way I asked. What the fuck is that about?

Today was better, but people irritated me a lot. It seemed that he did everything he could to annoy me. Those we were with as bad if not worse.
It doesn't help that I am in pain. Also missing you so much.

Had a very bad night last night as well as the last few days not being so good. I have been letting thoughts, not facts get to me. Things others think get to me without knowing what you think or feel. Letting how other men act get to me, get inside my head.
While I don't know you well I do know you don't say things you don't mean. I have to keep reminding myself of this. You talk to me the way you do and treat me the way you do for a reason. It may not be exactly the reason I want, and nothing may ever come of it, but it is what it is.
I should know better than to let what others think and do become what you think and do, you aren't other men, you are you. You have stated you are honest and straightforward, that if you say something you mean it. I have to stop second-guessing stupid things and the fact that nothing has happened, yet, get to me. I have to let anything unfold on its own, in time.

I am so tired of my own insecurities, I'm so in need of reassurances.

Trying to stay positive and not let all the negative thoughts get to me, but stumbled onto on of his social media sites (already was following/friends but don't stalk him online) and see things that get me down.
Kinda figured he wouldn't be interested and this basically confirms it. I know him, have for several years. This is exactly why I never do anything about guys I like. There really is no point.
I have been trying for days to get him out of my head, now I really need to before this gets bad I end up really hurt.
It is bad enough the main one hurts me regularly.

With either of the two guys I like I sometimes have a hard time accepting that they would want to be with me. I think everything he has done to me emotionally has caused this, and then this relationship and being unhappy hasn't helped. One, the main one doesn't do anything as I don't interact with him much. But the friend, I interact with him a lot. There has never been any reason to doubt that he wouldn't. We have never flirted, but he doesn't act badly toward me either.
I doubt anything would happen there, but I have to keep thinking positive and not let all my negative thoughts get to me. I can't let the thought that he would never want me get to me as I don't know that. I know how he treats me and how he acts around me.

I can't believe I have a crush on him. I have known him for years and while I always thought he was attractive I never thought of him in that way. Little things have always been there though.
I don't even know what happened to suddenly cause this. I know when it first started but that was months ago. So why now, why this week?

I started out thinking about this friend I have a crush on, drift slightly to the other thing I think about, and suddenly I am thinking of you. Always you.

Oh this so isn't good. I seem to be finding myself with a small crush on a friend of mine.

Did a lot of talking tonight to someone. Someone who understand where I am in life and where I am headed. Did me a lot of good. Especially after the night I had.

I hope you had a good day baby. You deserve all the best and that includes a good day, no matter how you spend it.
I notice small things about you, I don't know if it is a coincidence or if they mean something. I am trying not to think too much on them and read too much into them. But they are things I do plan on looking for as time goes on. I am still continuing to work on how to make the changes I need to make. I need to be happy. Whether you are to be a part of my life or not I am making changes, going to be happy. I know some will take time and may not go as I plan. But they will eventually happen.
I would love if when we see each other if you would do more, that is if you want what I want.

I hope you have a good day no matter how or if you choose to do anything.

I want someone to do something nice for me out of the blue, for no reason. With everything I have been through with my family the last few months I really need to know people care. And who it is that cares. Being scared to go near a certain person isn't healthy. And being treated the way I was by others over something so stupid, considering it was things they did, I don't know, I just feel like I need someone to show me that I mean something.

Seriously your ass is amazing. Saw photos, you are out of the shot, but on the very edge is your ass. Damn baby.

I posted about the situation with my family. Maybe some people will understand how I feel about everything. Just wish you were here.

How does he not notice that I am/was upset?
Friday when everything happened, I went from being up and happy, myself to very quiet quickly. How does one not notice this? He didn't know anything was wrong for 2 days?
I really want someone in my life who will notice when I am upset, and care.

I hate having sex with him. I don't enjoy it. I barely feel it. And it is over within minutes. The oral sex is bad too. Nothing is good.
I would so much rather it be you.

Just as I figured. I ended up being in the wrong and the other person got no blame at all. Along with more name calling toward me.
I am so sick of this shit.
She isn't liked by me because of her fucking bitching ways and her attitude in the first place, several years ago. Funny how she forgot that and wants to blame me, wants to make me the bitch.
Also funny, she assumed something after reading something she should have never seen in the first place. Which gets fucking old.

I am really done with everyone. I am tired of the insults and the bullshit. I am tired of people assuming what I say is about them. Taking what I say, getting pissed and insulting me on a level that you didn't even need to go to is ridiculous. And thinking you are fucking better than me, how, why? I am done.

I see certain pictures of you and react. I instantly get turned on. Your ass is amazing baby. You have no idea.

Feeling much better today. Didn't realize I was letting what my best friend was going through right now get to me until last night. And what is causing me to be emotional. Plus being in pain.
I need to quit reacting as I do and think logically.

After going back to sleep for a while I am I feeling better emotionally. I hate days like that where getting upset at all spirals out of control and makes me doubt logic. Wonder why it only really affects you.

I have to stop projecting my insecurities on you. I know that you would never treat me as bad as I imagine. When I am thinking logical I see things the way they were. While you may not have been exactly the way I wanted with me, there is nothing wrong with how you did treat me or interact with me. I need to remember that you are a nice person, that you are honest in how you treat people. You would never say what you do to anyone without feeling what you do. You would never act nice to someone if you didn't like them, you would be polite but not nice or joking.
I need to stop letting stupid shit upset, things that have nothing to do with you upset me and the flip out. I know what I see with how you act when we speak, and what you say to me. I don't know why I doubt this. I know you are straightforward. I have to remember this.

What sucks most about this situation. I am good at reading people and situations. I am usually wrong about it. I know there is something about me you don't like. I know you sign off when you see me sign on. I know you avoid me as much as you can. While I might hope for something, I always knew it would never happen. Look at me, I never get what I want, especially who I want, I don't even try and haven't since high school.
The fact that I let you get to me the way you do and that I am currently cry over you is insane. Why be so upset over a man who has never thought of me again the second he doesn't have to deal with me?

I realize you tend to blow me off. You talk to because you have to but that is it. You also don't touch me, no hugs. No big deal, I don't actually need you to touch me or talk to me, they are just wants. Sucks though is seeing others get them, seeing you talk to others. I know you treat certain people certain ways. I am one of those people that mean nothing to you and I'm sure that you wish would just leave you alone.
I don't need to talk to you anymore, I have meet you several times so there really is no reason. I have to keep telling myself to leave you alone. Any hope of a connection will never happen anyway so talking to you is pointless. You don't want to talk to me, be my friend and especially be with me. And if everything else works out in my life I won't be seeing you anymore anyway as I won't have anyone to do things with once he is out of my life. Alone is better. But alone means alone.

I'm laying here watching a movie, thinking of you. So horny. I'd give anything to be in bed with you right now. Hoping soon that it will happen.

I have meet you several times, you know who I am. I was sure you were reading this and others but you never react when you talk to me, like you know something you shouldn't. But at the same time when you do learn or see something, when you should have maybe had a reaction you don't. Does that mean you don't care? Does it mean you already knew, are you that good of an actor?

I have discovered that when I want something I have a hard time asking for it, even if it is only in a fantasy. I feel like I don't deserve it. I feel like I am not good enough to have these things, or for people to do things for me. I know this isn't true, it is mainly when I am having a bad day, but at the same time I will never reveal who I talk about on here. He doesn't need to know as I'm pretty sure he doesn't care, and nobody else needs to know.

I want a man who cares when I am upset no matter how tribal or stupid. It shouldn't matter if he understands or gets it. He just has to comfort me. Why is that to much to ask for?
Right now I'm upset, mention it to him, he just continues doing what he is doing. My being upset didn't matter at all. He offered no comfort or possible solutions. Wtf?

He has some of the most annoying habits.
One is it being dinner time. Yet instead of fixing dinner he snacks. And then bitches about his size.
Of course now that I was about to get food he just got up to make his.

Yesterday was amazing. Some things were a slight disappointment but overall I have nothing to complain of. And you, you were incredible as always. Thanks for that.

I love when he is in one of his moods where it seems like he is annoyed by everything I say or by me speaking at all. Should make for a great day. No matter what I have said this morning I have gotten one word answers, and pissy grunts. Yeah thanks.
So looks like what should have been a great day, is now going to be a shit day. I can tell by his mood, the mood he is trying to put me in, the attitude of people I know already. And what i expect of the day. I know what I would like, but with you, I never expect anything. And I know you will likely do something to upset me.

Happy about today. Should be amazing. Though there will be people there that I really don't want to deal with, hopefully I want see them. But I could never get that lucky. Should see some friends. And possibly you. Though I doubt I will. Hope to say hi if I do.

I can't stop thinking about you today. Very specific thoughts.

Today wasn't as bad as it could have been. Friends at work helped keep my mind off it even though nobody there knew anything was wrong. I made sure I listened to him and you as both make me happy. Still wish you'd been here to help me. And then I got amazing news tonight.

Tomorrow is his birthday. He would be 31, instead he is forever 25.
I don't talk to anyone about him. It seems I am not allowed, for various reasons.
I wish tomorrow would never come or that I could sleep it away. Instead I have to work.
As hard as tomorrow will be for me I wish you were here with me to make it better for me, to comfort me, let me cry or let me forget, be whatever I need you to be but not judge me or make me feel bad for what that day is or how it makes me feel. Just be there, and care, care that I hurt. 
I want that everyday anyway. Someone who shows me he cares no matter what I am going through, whether he understand or agrees, someone who protects, who makes me feel better, who calms me down. I want to feel all that for someone as well. Instead, I feel nothing, just want for someone I hope to one day be with.

For some reason my jaw has been giving me trouble the last couple of days. Everything seems to irritate it. Haven't had it irritated like this in awhile.

Was hoping to see you last night but didn't. Thought of you today while alone. It felt so good. Wish it was your hands.

There is a certain way, a certain position I want you to fuck me. I will never tell him what it is, and if he ever thinks of trying it I will refuse because I don't want him ruining this on like he ruined one before.

I have been thinking of you so much today. Hopefully I will see you soon, though I don't know if I will talk to you. I want to but not sure I will have any reason to. I also don't want others around when I do, but know they will be. I know others will suck up your time. Or hover around me.
I would love to spend a bit of time just us. I would love for you to talk to me, find me and start talking to me. And I would especially love it if you would have as little as possible contact with a certain person/people.

Have to say again that I don't care who views this (or other blogs/sites) but if you know me (in life or online) and you DON'T LIKE ME, then get the fuck off and go away. You have no reason to be viewing anything that I post.

I am super emotional and pissed about stupid things. I know what the cause is. Something I am not allowed to talk about with anyone in my life because they either think it is stupid, don't understand or somehow just make me feel bad.
I would love for you to comfort me. I find myself taking this mood out on you. (Different blog, hopefully you don't read them) I have to remember that you are not to blame, and that I can't let every bad mood effect how you might think of me. But sadly as soon as I get upset the first thing I do is doubt that. It is like I can't imagine you would ever want to have anything to do with me, on any level even though you have never indicated that, and in fact might have shown otherwise (no idea- don't know what you think or mean).

I past a place where your name and a name you know me by intersect.

Today is going to be a long day. Woke up early and can't go back to sleep.
So horny, been thinking about you. Would love to be with you this morning. Feel you inside me. That would be amazing. Hopefully soon.

Wishing you were here

I really wish you were here with me instead of him. I doubt you would enjoy what I am doing but I could spend time with you and that would be enough, and we could find somethings that you would enjoy as well.

Time with you

I wish I was spending the weekend with you. I have almost 2 weeks off from work. I would so love to spend some of that time with you.

Making changes

I get so tired of people who bitch and moan about their life and do nothing to change it.
I know what I what and plan on getting there, however it is taking me time to be able to make those changes.
I have a friend who constantly bitches and moans about her life, saying she is going to change, yet she doesn't do anything to make it happen, doesn't even try.

Family

With everything that has been happening with my family recently I am starting to realize why I have some of the issues I do, why I feel the way I do about myself and why I doubt how others feel about me.

I really need you right now. So upset and tired of the assholes in my life.

Still really wanting a cigarette. So very tempted to go buy some.

Thanks for making me so fucking horny I can't sleep without getting off! Between your voice, singing and speaking (that one gets me more, so sexy), that instrument you also play and your amazing ass, as well as your face you are always turning me on. Tonight seems to be worse than normal.

He is really fucking annoying right now and stressing me the fuck out. I really need some alone time or time with you. I know that I can't get that, but would so love it. Just you and me, one on one. 

I am really, really upset right now. And every time I make a noise at ALL he fucking stirs in his sleep. NO! I don't fucking want him to wake the fuck up! I want him to stay the fuck asleep! All he will do is irritate me more anyway.

Since Saturday and what happened then I have really wanted a cigarette. So tempted to go buy some but am  afraid that I wouldn't have just a few.

With the bullshit that went on today he will never be forgiven. I know he knew and hid it from me just like everyone else. You can't claim to love me and do that to me. Everyone showed me that someone else was more important that me by how today went. If I say too much they will deny it all. One day though.

I know I should be more rational with my thoughts, instead of flipping out. Some of the thoughts I had didn't even make sense, I know they didn't, things about friends, about work, so I doubt the ones about you were rational either. I know you have said you prefer/do better with face to face. I know this. Yet I want attention from you, and when I can't get it I crave any kind of attention at all. Sometime I think you do view things like this, but in the end I doubt you do.
Soon hopefully I will be able to get attention from you. I hope to show you something next time I see you but     not sure I how. Not sure how after last time.

Right now I really hate Saturday mornings. I have the bed to myself all week because of my work schedule, but he is off on the weekend so home on Saturday when I get home. I wish he'd get up and let me have the bed to myself.

I really do want to say that if you were the one viewing the blogs and stopped, it wasn't it wasn't directed at you to stop (unless you are up to no good by reading them).

Also I know my emotions, and posts contradict themselves, but how you treat me when we speak and everything else contradict and it confuses me. I wish I knew more from you.

Should never go looking for things I really don't want the answer to.
I know I mean nothing to you. I know I read everything into everything between us because I want something to be there, I refuse to accept that I am nothing, not just to you, but with everyone.
Stupidly I looked for another version of that song to prove you played it differently here, because of me. Sure enough, what do I find, you have played it that way else where too.
Why don't I get it? I don't matter.

Heard that song today, and I can't believe you meant that any other way than desire. Exactly the way it sounds. The facts that you were where you were in relation to me makes me believe it was directed at me.

Woke up briefly feeling awful thinking about you. Convinced I had no chance with you. I had how this feeling fucking comes from nowhere. I had been asleep!
I don't know what you think of me exactly I just know how you treat me when I see you. I don't know if that is different from others, if it means something or if that is how you treat everyone.

I am so tired of wanting your attention and not getting it.

I really think you should come hang out after you are done with this tour. Not sure why or what we would do  but you should.

I was forced to move a blog that I had had for awhile. Not sure I want it here, but not sure where to go with it either. I need to be able to voice my thoughts and feelings. About a very specific person, hoping he was reading that one and finds this one, somehow.