I started out thinking about this friend I have a crush on, drift slightly to the other thing I think about, and suddenly I am thinking of you. Always you.

Oh this so isn't good. I seem to be finding myself with a small crush on a friend of mine.

Did a lot of talking tonight to someone. Someone who understand where I am in life and where I am headed. Did me a lot of good. Especially after the night I had.

I hope you had a good day baby. You deserve all the best and that includes a good day, no matter how you spend it.
I notice small things about you, I don't know if it is a coincidence or if they mean something. I am trying not to think too much on them and read too much into them. But they are things I do plan on looking for as time goes on. I am still continuing to work on how to make the changes I need to make. I need to be happy. Whether you are to be a part of my life or not I am making changes, going to be happy. I know some will take time and may not go as I plan. But they will eventually happen.
I would love if when we see each other if you would do more, that is if you want what I want.

I hope you have a good day no matter how or if you choose to do anything.

I want someone to do something nice for me out of the blue, for no reason. With everything I have been through with my family the last few months I really need to know people care. And who it is that cares. Being scared to go near a certain person isn't healthy. And being treated the way I was by others over something so stupid, considering it was things they did, I don't know, I just feel like I need someone to show me that I mean something.

Seriously your ass is amazing. Saw photos, you are out of the shot, but on the very edge is your ass. Damn baby.

I posted about the situation with my family. Maybe some people will understand how I feel about everything. Just wish you were here.

How does he not notice that I am/was upset?
Friday when everything happened, I went from being up and happy, myself to very quiet quickly. How does one not notice this? He didn't know anything was wrong for 2 days?
I really want someone in my life who will notice when I am upset, and care.

I hate having sex with him. I don't enjoy it. I barely feel it. And it is over within minutes. The oral sex is bad too. Nothing is good.
I would so much rather it be you.

Just as I figured. I ended up being in the wrong and the other person got no blame at all. Along with more name calling toward me.
I am so sick of this shit.
She isn't liked by me because of her fucking bitching ways and her attitude in the first place, several years ago. Funny how she forgot that and wants to blame me, wants to make me the bitch.
Also funny, she assumed something after reading something she should have never seen in the first place. Which gets fucking old.

I am really done with everyone. I am tired of the insults and the bullshit. I am tired of people assuming what I say is about them. Taking what I say, getting pissed and insulting me on a level that you didn't even need to go to is ridiculous. And thinking you are fucking better than me, how, why? I am done.

I see certain pictures of you and react. I instantly get turned on. Your ass is amazing baby. You have no idea.

Feeling much better today. Didn't realize I was letting what my best friend was going through right now get to me until last night. And what is causing me to be emotional. Plus being in pain.
I need to quit reacting as I do and think logically.

After going back to sleep for a while I am I feeling better emotionally. I hate days like that where getting upset at all spirals out of control and makes me doubt logic. Wonder why it only really affects you.

I have to stop projecting my insecurities on you. I know that you would never treat me as bad as I imagine. When I am thinking logical I see things the way they were. While you may not have been exactly the way I wanted with me, there is nothing wrong with how you did treat me or interact with me. I need to remember that you are a nice person, that you are honest in how you treat people. You would never say what you do to anyone without feeling what you do. You would never act nice to someone if you didn't like them, you would be polite but not nice or joking.
I need to stop letting stupid shit upset, things that have nothing to do with you upset me and the flip out. I know what I see with how you act when we speak, and what you say to me. I don't know why I doubt this. I know you are straightforward. I have to remember this.

What sucks most about this situation. I am good at reading people and situations. I am usually wrong about it. I know there is something about me you don't like. I know you sign off when you see me sign on. I know you avoid me as much as you can. While I might hope for something, I always knew it would never happen. Look at me, I never get what I want, especially who I want, I don't even try and haven't since high school.
The fact that I let you get to me the way you do and that I am currently cry over you is insane. Why be so upset over a man who has never thought of me again the second he doesn't have to deal with me?

I realize you tend to blow me off. You talk to because you have to but that is it. You also don't touch me, no hugs. No big deal, I don't actually need you to touch me or talk to me, they are just wants. Sucks though is seeing others get them, seeing you talk to others. I know you treat certain people certain ways. I am one of those people that mean nothing to you and I'm sure that you wish would just leave you alone.
I don't need to talk to you anymore, I have meet you several times so there really is no reason. I have to keep telling myself to leave you alone. Any hope of a connection will never happen anyway so talking to you is pointless. You don't want to talk to me, be my friend and especially be with me. And if everything else works out in my life I won't be seeing you anymore anyway as I won't have anyone to do things with once he is out of my life. Alone is better. But alone means alone.

I'm laying here watching a movie, thinking of you. So horny. I'd give anything to be in bed with you right now. Hoping soon that it will happen.

I have meet you several times, you know who I am. I was sure you were reading this and others but you never react when you talk to me, like you know something you shouldn't. But at the same time when you do learn or see something, when you should have maybe had a reaction you don't. Does that mean you don't care? Does it mean you already knew, are you that good of an actor?

I have discovered that when I want something I have a hard time asking for it, even if it is only in a fantasy. I feel like I don't deserve it. I feel like I am not good enough to have these things, or for people to do things for me. I know this isn't true, it is mainly when I am having a bad day, but at the same time I will never reveal who I talk about on here. He doesn't need to know as I'm pretty sure he doesn't care, and nobody else needs to know.