b-day

Today is his birthday. I hope he has a happy one.

Movie

I remember the movie we never saw together. I still have a hard time watching it. I know that might be stupid. But it makes me think of him. Both good and bad times. I don't remember why we never saw it together though.

More or less

I don't know if I have been thinking of D more or less this week, I have been so busy.
I would love to be able to wish him a happy birthday with his birthday coming up.
(I had something I was thinking of but have totally forgotten.)

D

I don't know why I have started thinking of D again, never truly stopped but something has triggered me to think of him all the time.
I don't know if I will ever get another chance with him, but I truly hope to one day get to see him again.
I saw him a few times, back when I was either with my ex or just started with him. At that point I was still in a place where I was angry, I blamed D for things that were never actually his fault. I was not ready to let it go and I honestly never thought I would let it go. I'm not even sure if I knew how angry I was. I also had no idea how to talk to him. He wasn't trying to start up a conversation, but he was definitely trying to get my attention. Now, whether that was attention in a good way, to talk and be friends or more again or whether is was to show me he had moved on I have no idea and may never know. He was always hard to read, you could always tell somethings but not everything. Which is how I know he wanted attention. You don't go through my line and ask stupid questions, more than once, or tell me the price of something several times, without seeking attention, especially when he wasn't doing that to my co-workers. I know D tended to be dopey, but he was never stupid.
I have realized through the help of my friend J that someone moving on and being with someone else is not a reason to be angry, to blame them and be a bitch. I also realize that how things ended with us can be partially my fault. I pushed him away, no idea why, I wasn't meaning to and should have pulled him close again. My mistake. I also reacted badly at the party when he brought her. That was his fault but I didn't handle the whole situation well. We were teenagers and really made dumb mistakes, we were never honest with each other about our feelings and were never officially a couple. Our friends accepted us as a couple and treated us as such, even his friends who didn't really like me.
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This is a topic I am planning to explore. Things I remember, thoughts, feelings. I would love to meet up with him, so how it goes.