What is with people who think they have the right to say whatever they want to me online no matter how rude, no matter that they know nothing about me?
I don't say anything online to anyone I wouldn't say in person. I usually don't say names because I am venting and names don't need to be said when I am angry or upset as the feeling might pass.
I get this from family (well one was married into my family and the other is someone in his family) and strangers.
The latest one was funny. If that person only knew how wrong she was in what she said. Compare me to someone when you know nothing about me and there are others who far exceed anything I could think of.

I have had the worst week emotionally. I keep starting to have dark thoughts again tonight. Rationally I know everything is okay, that until you tell me one way or another I don't know what you are thinking, and that I can assume based on what you say in interviews and others say about you that know you, and what you say to me that all is good. Now that doesn't mean anything will ever happen but it means I shouldn't get so upset and convince myself that they is no way you'd ever be with me.
I fear that certain basic things will never happen for me. Being truly loved and in love, passion, wanting the man I am with, kissing, feeling anothers tongue. All of this may seem stupid, but when you don't have it, and you want it, it gets upsetting and is so easy sometimes to get upset about. I think about how I will probably never get married or have kids, even though I don't know that I want any of my own. Being with him as long as I have, and not yet married I don't think it will ever happen, I wouldn't anyway. And I don't think there will be anyone else. I fear being alone, that nobody will ever want to be with me. I fear my flaws, both physical and emotional/personality are enough to prevent anyone from wanting to be with me. Especially you. I can't imagine you would actually want me, not for one night, let alone a relationship.
He doesn't make me feel loved. I don't know what that feels like.
I know few people actually care about me, and you are one who likely doesn't. I feel like if you cared, at all, even a small amount, you'd find a small way to make me feel better, to let me know that you care, but you don't. I am trying to remember that maybe you don't read this, that you have said you prefer face to face, and that you treat me one way in person, but at the same time, you still don't treat me all that special then either which contributes to me thinking you don't care.
Just having a hard time, I think because of the time of year. Next weekend is going to be really hard.

I really hate seeing/reading/hearing things that make me feel insecure. I have no right to feel that way with you, not in the position I am in, but I still do.

I am so tired of bad days, well for me usually bad nights, where I over think and over analyze everything. I try to keep things you have said and done in perspective of the things I know of your personality and how you handle things. I tend to think the worst when I have bad nights. I don't know what you think of me at all or that you even think of me. Sometimes that alone is enough to upset me. I try to keep thoughts in the positive, assuming the best, knowing or at least thinking you say what you mean. That things are good. I have good feelings about things based on what I know. I just wish I didn't have so many bad days and had more from you.

I haven't seen you in 2 months. I try not to think about you so much lately. I would love to be with you, to spend time with you, to see you smile, to hear you laugh, your voice. I want time that is just mine and not shared with lots of other people. I know what I want from you. And plan on trying to make happen. But don't know if it will.
I worry that the last few times you reacted the way you did with me because of somethings that I had said online, that they got back to you. That is all fine, but only if you mean it. Don't be nice to me because you are doing me a favor, treat me the way you want to treat me, not the way I want you to treat me.
Fights with him, and just finding him annoying lately, so close to ending it.

Was thinking of you. What I want to be doing to you. And you came on. I moaned. He didn't pay attention or if he heard me ignored it.

Alone, listening to you, wearing your bands shirt. I'd love to have you here with me. The goofy things you say on stage. I would love to talk to you. The things you say when we talk. To hear you speak. To hear your voice. Just to spend some time with you. To see your smile and hear you laugh.

Been going through a lot, some good, some bad. Been thinking of you through it all. Wishing I had you with me. I feel like I am falling apart, lots of migraines and pain. Him being an ass and annoying. It doesn't help that I have been extremely irritable the last few days.

Had a bad night overnight. So sick of his bullshit. When I say I am not in the mood I mean it. Waking up and REFUSING to go back to sleep in hopes of getting something I said no about it is only going to piss me off. Also because he just HAD to be awake for like 90 minutes in the middle of the night he will be tired after work later which will be just as annoying.

I'm so tired of being annoyed and pissed off. Even when I tell him that certain things get to me or that I have a migraine so he shouldn't do certain things as it makes it worse, he doesn't care and doesn't it anyway because he does what he wants. I have no words for what I am feeling right now, I am that annoyed. And each minute it just gets worse. There is no point saying anything.
I really want to scream, just go outside and scream.
I could so use someone, you preferably, to hold me, to make all this go away.

As I think of you, and the friend, I realize I prefer men without hair, whether that be bald or shaved. I like some hair styles but when I think of touching a man's head, I would rather he didn't have hair.

I'm so annoyed right now, the longer this takes the more annoyed I get.

I'm so sick of asking people to do things for me and not doing them. And worse, they get attitude with me when I get upset or pissed that they didn't do it the way I asked. What the fuck is that about?

Today was better, but people irritated me a lot. It seemed that he did everything he could to annoy me. Those we were with as bad if not worse.
It doesn't help that I am in pain. Also missing you so much.

Had a very bad night last night as well as the last few days not being so good. I have been letting thoughts, not facts get to me. Things others think get to me without knowing what you think or feel. Letting how other men act get to me, get inside my head.
While I don't know you well I do know you don't say things you don't mean. I have to keep reminding myself of this. You talk to me the way you do and treat me the way you do for a reason. It may not be exactly the reason I want, and nothing may ever come of it, but it is what it is.
I should know better than to let what others think and do become what you think and do, you aren't other men, you are you. You have stated you are honest and straightforward, that if you say something you mean it. I have to stop second-guessing stupid things and the fact that nothing has happened, yet, get to me. I have to let anything unfold on its own, in time.

I am so tired of my own insecurities, I'm so in need of reassurances.

Trying to stay positive and not let all the negative thoughts get to me, but stumbled onto on of his social media sites (already was following/friends but don't stalk him online) and see things that get me down.
Kinda figured he wouldn't be interested and this basically confirms it. I know him, have for several years. This is exactly why I never do anything about guys I like. There really is no point.
I have been trying for days to get him out of my head, now I really need to before this gets bad I end up really hurt.
It is bad enough the main one hurts me regularly.

With either of the two guys I like I sometimes have a hard time accepting that they would want to be with me. I think everything he has done to me emotionally has caused this, and then this relationship and being unhappy hasn't helped. One, the main one doesn't do anything as I don't interact with him much. But the friend, I interact with him a lot. There has never been any reason to doubt that he wouldn't. We have never flirted, but he doesn't act badly toward me either.
I doubt anything would happen there, but I have to keep thinking positive and not let all my negative thoughts get to me. I can't let the thought that he would never want me get to me as I don't know that. I know how he treats me and how he acts around me.

I can't believe I have a crush on him. I have known him for years and while I always thought he was attractive I never thought of him in that way. Little things have always been there though.
I don't even know what happened to suddenly cause this. I know when it first started but that was months ago. So why now, why this week?