Crush

I find that I have a small crush on a guy I know.
I will not allow this guy to get to me the way so many others do. Nothing will come of this, so I need to not get upset over things that are just in my head. I have no idea what he is thinking, at all, I have to remember that and not get upset because I imagine something, or nothing.

Late

I couldn't sleep the other night. I thought of D. I wish he was with me. Even now, I wish he was here.

Surgery

I had surgery on my ankle about 2 1/2 weeks ago. Still on crutches, but finally got the stitches out today.

Jealousy

The dumb bitch that I know is showing her petty jealousy again. I heard the information days ago, but didn't put it together until today. It is pathetic and petty.
Maybe one day she will get it that nobody cares or likes her.
She deserves every bad thing that comes her way, it is funny that she is feeling insecure and jealous right now.

Him

I think I saw him at a bar near my house, working.

More Pain

I spent 8 weeks in a cast and then 3 more weeks back in the boot. The pain is worse than ever. Had a CT today and meet with the dr again next week to go over results and schedule surgery.
I will have surgery 3 times in a year.

Loss

Lost my best friends mom today.
I have no words for how this feels.

Happy Birthday

D's birthday was over the weekend, but my computer was down so I was not able to post. Happy Birthday D. I miss him like no one else from my past. I wish I had some contact with him.
Today is a long time friend's birthday, though like D I have lost contact with him.

Double-take

Awhile back I thought I saw D, when I did the guy did a huge double-take. I was in my car, he was making a turn past me, and kept looking at me. I know I had pulled too far over the line at the stoplight but he was the only one who looked at me like that of all the other drivers. This guy looked so much like D, even was driving the same truck as when I knew him.
I know it is possible that the guy was just looking at me because of the position of my car, even if it was him.
If it was him, I wonder what was going through his head.

I remembered

I don't know what made me remember it, but I remembered the other day something D and some of his friends did.
Knowing I was afraid of the woods in the neighborhood some of our friends lived in he and several friends were hanging out at one of the friends houses. I was waiting for another friend at her boyfriends house. She was taking forever, as usual, D and his friends, including the brother of my friends boyfriend whose house it was. Instead of taking the road they went the shorter route and went through the woods, knowing the sounds would freak me out. I don't remember if they needed anything at that house or were just doing it to scare me.

Him

I think I saw D yesterday while out. Can't be sure it was him, but it looked like him, a lot.

Week 2-week 3

I am into week 3 now. Have a lot of pain. More than I expected. I guess I figured that as time went pain would get better, not worse, but then again, I really had no idea how this was going to go.
I have a test this week ordered by my GI, and then see my orthopedist next week. He will decide if I will get the cast off or keep it on and when or if I have surgery if or if that is something to decide later.

First week

Had surgery last month, recovering well from that. Feeling mostly better, one day at a time, taking care of my health and the complications that came from the surgery and that diagnosis.
In the fall my foot started hurt, odd symptom, used a brace I had from a previous injury, saw the Urgent Care doctor after about a week as it wasn't getting better. Diagnosed it as a sprain. No big deal, being diabetic, sprains and such can be slow to heal. Just before Halloween I broke my ankle while out with a friend. Stupid moment, nothing that I could have prevented. Luckily it wasn't worse. After 2 months it wasn't healing, again not unexpected due to being diabetic and where the break was. Doctor sends me for further tests to see what exactly is going on and find out I have a coalition in my ankle. Extremely rare, something I was born with. And the reason why I have broke and sprained this ankle/foot so many times since I was a child, why little sprains take longer to heal and hurt worse, why simple turns break it. The first symptom in the fall, before the break was a symptom of this coalition, not a sprain, though most doctors commonly diagnose complications of this as sprains.
Had to see a specialist, (that took some time getting an appointment), so I spent 5 months in a boot, 5 weeks in a brace and now in a cast, for at least 4 weeks, along with crutches. Possibly will be longer, depending on how my ankle responds to the cast. Still my have to have surgery to fix this coalition. I am now on my first week in the cast and on crutches.

Odd dreams

The last couple of nights I have had dreams of a person I hate. I have no relationship with this stupid bitch and haven't for years. Until later today I haven't even had to see her name or hear about her online. But of course she had to get in the middle of something that wasn't actually her business. Blah!
A few weeks ago I had a dream involving someone connected to her.
In these dreams she is just as foul and annoying as in real life. Still not able to get resolution in the dreams and because of the connections I likely never will. I do hope that one day, the sooner the better people see this bitch for what she is. I hope one day she gets all the bad luck and bad shit in life she deserves.

Dreams

I have been having dreams since the surgery about D. Usually it is just a vague he is there, but I never see him, sometimes I am looking for him.

Alone

For a couple of reasons I decided to stay in last night, alone rather than go to either concert I thought about going to.
One reason was J. Nothing he has done, a little he hasn't done, that is causing some insecurity. I know if I saw him and it was different than I hoped or he wasn't alone I would be upset. More than I can handle right now.
Thinking again about another J and as always D.

Maybe

I used to have a band as the background image on my phone. J saw it one day and acted a bit off. He didn't say anything but it was obvious that he was mildly annoyed or something. I just thought he thought he thought it was stupid.
Now as things unfold with J, I wonder if it was something more. Maybe jealousy.